


I’ve been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night (but baby you finally made me see Daylight)

by thetruthshallsetyoufree



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Brief Ed Sheeran appearance, Eddie’s mom died, Famous Richie, Happy Ending, M/M, Popular Richie, Richie is a disaster gay, Richie’s parents are terrible, She’s also fed up with Richie’s shit, Singer Richie, The others are mentioned and in it a little bit but not a big part, Underage Drinking, bev is supportive, flashbacks to high school, high school party, insecure eddie, musician richie, only briefly mentioned though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 10:43:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20928911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetruthshallsetyoufree/pseuds/thetruthshallsetyoufree
Summary: Eddie didn’t dare to move toward him. He must have feared Richie’s reaction if he had. They both knew Richie wasn’t the best at expressing himself, and if this became too real for him he’d do what he does best.Run.So instead Eddie swallowed the lump that gathered in his throat. He pushed his dark hair back from his eyes with a trembling hand. “I think about you - all the time.” It wasn’t yet a question, and Richie honestly wasn’t sure what to do with that. “I mean - do you ever at least think about me?”Or, Richie is afraid of what they could be. Eddie chases after him nine years later when his mom died. Lots of flashbacks to high school when Eddie just wanted Richie to see him and Richie was a disaster. Eventually it all works out.





	I’ve been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night (but baby you finally made me see Daylight)

_ I’ve been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night (but baby you’ve finally made me see daylight) _

** _ August 2019, 27 years old _ **

The look in Eddie’s eyes was heart shattering. It was almost too hard for Richie to even deal with. His own gaze dropped down to the dirty hardwood floor of his fancy LA apartment. He could still sense the sadness from Eddie, he wasn’t sure anything would ever make that go away. 

But nothing could possibly prepare Richie for the words that were said. All he knew in this moment was that it hurt. Seeing him like this hurt. Eddie didn’t dare to move toward him. He must have feared Richie’s reaction if he had. They both knew Richie wasn’t the best at expressing himself, and if this became too real for him he’d do what he does best.

_ <strike> Run. </strike> _

So instead Eddie swallowed the lump that gathered in his throat. He pushed his dark hair back from his eyes with a trembling hand. “I think about you - all the time.” It wasn’t yet a question, and Richie honestly wasn’t sure what to do with that. “I mean - do you ever at least think about me?” 

Richie turned to fully face away from him. He couldn’t let Eddie see the pain that flickered over him. It was a stupid question, he silently decided. _Of course_ he thought about Eddie. No matter how hard he tried not to the smaller man stayed haunting his thoughts, visiting him sweetly in his dreams. There was nothing he could do to erase all these years he spent loving him. 

Pretending only got you so far. 

The words got caught in his throat, causing a loud choking sound to echo in the small apartment. Richie stalked into the kitchen to grab himself a room temperature water bottle from the counter. He could feel Eddie’s eyes following him as he chugged it down, only buying himself more time. 

But instead of thinking about the perfect way to respond Richie felt himself falling back to the past. To the days they spent in the clubhouse, watching each other grow up and turn into different people. He saw flashbacks of just the two of them, and he remembered every single moment. The moment that led to him slowly falling in love. 

** _ September 2008, Age 16 _ **

To say Eddie had been beaming all morning was an understatement. It was the first day of junior year, which was circled multiple times on his calendar in red sharpie. Most people would’ve thought he was just excited for the school year, he had finally been able to pick his own electives and although he was ecstatic about that it wasn’t exactly his first priority.

No, the reason he had this specific date circled wasn’t because of school. It wasn’t because he could finally take the photography class he’d been looking forward to since the eighth grade. No, it was because of Richie. 

When Richie had announced he’d be going away for the summer all Eddie’s plans had quickly vanished. He was no longer looking forward to the break, for the only person he really wanted to spend it with wasn’t going to be around. It sucked majorly, especially when he found out how Richie had been invited over to Bev’s aunt’s house far away in London. London of all places! He couldn’t deny being hurt he wasn’t invited to go with, but Bev had read his mind all too soon and she admitted how she knew his mom wouldn’t have let him go. Which, yeah, might have been right. Okay, it was definitely right. His overprotective mom barely let him leave this town without her, no way would he be allowed to fly across the country. 

But with Richie went Ben, and even Stan got his mom to agree. So it only left himself, Bill and Mike this summer. But Mike had found a job at the local movie theater which meant he wasn’t around all that much the last couple months.

This summer had definitely been the worst one yet. 

Eddie never thought he’d be so excited for the beginning of school. Yeah, sure he did enjoy classes more than the rest of the losers, that much was obvious. But he had woken up two hours earlier than normal this morning, telling himself it was the first time he’d be seeing Richie in over three months. So no one could blame him if he wanted to look his best. 

He was at his locker when most of his friends came up to join him. He gave Stan and Ben an enthusiastic hug, asking about the trip and pretending to be more than interested. He couldn’t help the way he glanced around the halls every once in awhile, looking for the only person he truly wanted to see. 

Ben, who seemed to quickly pick up on Eddie’s disinterest, grinned down at the smaller boy. “Hey, just wait until you see what London did to Richie.”

At the mention of his best friend’s name Eddie perked up. He turned back to his friends with a quirked eyebrow. “What?”

“I think he means what Bev did to Richie,” Stan elbowed Ben, matching his grin easily. 

Eddie was starting to get annoyed. Both Stan and Ben were grinning at each other as if this was some sort of inside joke. And if he was honest Eddie felt like if it had something to do with Richie then he should’ve been involved. And he knew it was a stupid thought, but the idea that others had their own inside joke with his best friend got underneath his skin, causing an almost possessive feeling to bubble up inside. 

And if any of others noticed they didn’t acknowledge it. They moved on with the conversation easily while Eddie just half listened, focusing more on scanning the crowd than his own friends in front of him. He was thankful he didn’t have to wait much longer. The doors of the school burst open, a little dramatically if anyone were to ask Eddie, but he saw a glimpse of fire red hair first. Maybe it was because he didn’t recognize the boy who was literally strutting down the hall next to her. Cause no. Just no.

This couldn’t be his friend. 

The boy heading his way seemed to have grown half a foot this summer. He was all legs, legs covered in black skin tight ripped jeans. His curly hair looked crazier than ever, dark and gracefully pointing in every direction. He wore a black v-neck shirt and a worn out leather jacket. Even the glasses Eddie grew to adore were missing, now leaving his dark eyes wide and shinning in the bright lights beaming down at them. As he got closer he noticed the two lip piercings staring back at him. He swore to god whoever this was it couldn’t have been his geeky Richie. 

“Eddie Spaghetti!” 

Eddie didn’t have time to properly react before he was being tugged into a pair of strong arms. He melted into the touch involuntarily. “Um-uh, Richie? Wow, you look, well I mean, you’re like-wow.” Richie pulled away from his friend and beamed down at him with a bright smile.

“I know, man. I’m fucking hot. I’ve been banging chicks all fucking summer with this body,” he made an obscene gesture with his hips against the row of lockers, oblivious to the way Eddie’s expression dropped. It hadn’t even been a full minute and he already was reminded of this insane crush. He put on a brave face and gave an overly dramatic eye roll.

“Oh please, like girls would actually wanna get anywhere near you. You might’ve grown into your looks but you’ll always be a Trashmouth.” 

Eddie didn’t think the smirk on Richie’s face could possible grow, but he was proven wrong. “So you admit it, Eds. You think I’m hot.” He reached over to pinch Eddie’s cheeks with both hands. The way he was slapped away didn’t seem to bother him one bit. “You can always have next turn, little spaghetti man. I wouldn’t be opposed to that,” the wink he sent Eddie had him blushing a dark red. 

“Anyone foolish enough to think you’re hot is an absolute idiot,” he mumbled. 

“Shall I ring your mom and let her know you think she’s an idiot?” It was almost too easy to get under Eddie’s skin. He ignored the gigantic grin that found its way to Richie’s face and shoved him with all the strength he could manage. He hadn’t even noticed the obvious eye rolls from their other friends, didn’t even notice the way Bev watched them with large eyes that looked too far into the exchange. If he had noticed then maybe he would’ve felt a little more uncomfortable standing so close to Richie, blushing so deeply. Instead he melted into the arm that flung itself around his shoulders, taking in the deep smell of leather and smoke Richie had been casting throughout the halls. He felt an unusual comfort in that mixture, it was a little concerning how easily it seemed to cause any worries of his to fade. 

“You know we never asked, man, how was your summer?” Stan’s question was directed toward him and he was suddenly aware of the heavy weight of Richie’s arm digging into his shoulders. He pulled away with an awkward cough and willed his racing heartbeat to slow inside his chest. 

“Sucked, honestly. Spent it sitting around mostly. Worked on my novel most of the time.” 

He tried not to look at the way Richie’s cocky grin turned soft. Even his dark eyes fell genuine. “You’ve been working on _The Midnight Trails_ for like two years, dude. When can I read it?”

When it’s perfect, Eddie was all too tempted to admit. He pushed those words back, unwilling to let Richie hear about his true fears. He knew Richie was an incredible writer. Yeah, most of his stuff was written into songs where he’d perform only in Eddie’s bedroom late at night in a whispered tone. But everything he ever poured into lyrics was a musical masterpiece, and Eddie feared his novel might fill his friend with laughter. 

All he truly wanted was Richie’s approval. 

“You’ll be the first to read it, Rich, come on. We all know know that,” Ben teased. He clapped a hand onto Eddie’s shoulder. “Just let the boy finish in peace. You rushing him probably just makes it worse.”

“He’s not wrong,” Eddie whispered. He tried not to pay attention to the feeling of Richie’s concerned gaze burning through him. “You’ll read it once I think it’s good enough, I promise.” 

On that note the conversation moved on to lighter topics. Bev went on to describe a certain day which included them all getting so drunk Richie swore he could climb the Tower Bridge. It wasn’t long before someone had called the police on the group of drunken teens, catching one particular boy trying to maneuver his way up the bridge. Officials brought them into custody for public intoxication and they had to wait all night for Bev’s aunt to bust them out. 

Eddie laughed along, even at the disgusting fact that Richie of all people charmed their way out of trouble. Apparently Bev’s old aunt had a bit of a crush on him, and his effortlessly charming smile worked with anything idiotic he got himself into for the entire trip. Stan was convinced if Richie murdered someone she would put the blame on her own niece before she pointed the finger at Richie. It seemed believable, really. Even when Richie was the lanky, nerdy kid with glasses he knew how to sweet talk. It got them all out of so much trouble every single summer.

The bell rang a few minutes later and they began to part ways with nothing but lazy waves over their shoulders as they separated into groups of two. Before Eddie could really think Richie’s arm was back over his shoulder and he was being led down the hallway into a large group of rushed students. “So, can I sneak into your room tonight?”

Eddie looked up with an arched eyebrow. “You never usually ask.” 

“Yeah well,” even the shrug Richie gave seemed too charming. “It’s been all summer. Just making sure you have room for me still.”

Eddie tried to forget the way his skin heated up instantly. “I’ll-I’ll always have room for you, Rich.” 

They came to a stop outside their classrooms. Richie let the smile on his face turn into one that could challenge the Cheshire Cat grin. “Good. I have a surprise for you, Eds. See you at lunch?”

Eddie sucked his head down into a swift nod as Richie took two long strides into the classroom across the hall. He didn’t even hear the, “yeah, see you at lunch,” Eddie whispered back.

—

Richie didn’t come to lunch that day. It worried Eddie nonstop that period, for as long as they knew each other Richie had never once ditched lunch. His where are you texts even went unanswered and for a brief second Eddie thought the absolute worst.

He couldn’t help the way his eyes kept ghosting over to the doorway. He didn’t notice how his fingers tapped anxiously on the table, or how his entire tray of food went untouched. To anyone else he was sure this probably looked sad, or maybe they saw right through him. Maybe they could see how much Eddie ached to just be near Richie. Maybe this was truly pathetic. 

If so no one called him out on that fact. Instead they pushed his tray closer to him and gave him another dramatic eye roll. “Would you stop looking for Richie, man? You know him, I’m sure he did something incredible idiotic that got him in lunch detention.” There was a part of Stan that really tried to sound comforting, but it was easy to read the irritation. 

“Richie normally waited until at least the second week to start trouble. And he’d find a way to tell me if he couldn’t make it to lunch.” Eddie still didn’t realize how desperate he came off. The losers all exchanged different looks, all of which went unnoticed. He felt Bev’s warm hand reach over to rest on his hand, affectively ending the annoying tapping. 

“Maybe something came up, Eddie. You know Richie, wherever he is I’m sure he’s fine.” The warmth of Bev’s smile was almost even to comfort him. 

“And probably thinking of you,” Ben’s whisper wasn’t as quiet as he thought. Eddie shot him a look as Bev elbowed him with a coughing laugh. 

He chose not to humor them and picked up his fork to push his mashed potatoes around his tray. He let the conversation go on, every once in awhile squeezing in a word to seem more interested than he really was. If anyone noticed they didn’t speak up on it again, and time passed them by easily. It wasn’t until the last five minutes of the period when he was spotted, by none other than Bill. 

The scrawny boy gave himself away by the arch of his eyebrows as he stared over Eddie’s shoulder. He was in mid sentence, which caused all the attention to fly over to him. Mike was the one who spoke first, his gaze trailing to try and pick up on whatever it was he saw. “What happened, Bill? Is something-“ he, too, trailed off. It sparked Eddie’s interest, how everyone looked genuinely shocked and when he went to turn around himself Bev was the one who stopped him.

“It’s not, Eddie. Shouldn’t you be heading out anyway? Normally you leave lunch a couple minutes early.”

She went ignored. He pushed his hand off his shoulder and turned fully in his seat. His eyes landed on the tall boy almost immediately. His was sat at another table with the large boys in jerseys and girls draped over him in short skirts and Pom poms thrown lazily on the table. It was almost too crazy to believe. 

Eddie stared for a long time, then shut his eyes and counted to an extremely slow three. He expected it to be all in his imagination. When he opened his eyes Richie wouldn’t be there. No way did he blow off his longtime friends for those jerks. They were the same group who bullied them all for years. They were the ones who came up with the loser group. It would be absolutely mental for Richie to easily fall in with that crowd.

He thought the losers club meant more to him than that.

He thought Eddie himself meant more.

Before he really could comprehend what was happening he left his legs stand in a haste blur. He felt angry as he stomped over to the other side of the cafeteria. It didn’t matter that the others called him, that everyone knew what a bad idea this was. The only thing fueling him now was rage. 

He didn’t really know what he was going to say until he stood right behind Richie. There was a moment he almost wanted to flick the back of his head as hard as he could. But the more rational part stopped him and instead a loud cough fell from his lips. 

It was almost slow motion the way Richie turned. He was in the middle of a laugh, eyes bright and lips tilted up in his usual cocky manner. When he saw Eddie his beaming gaze only grew and his arms flung themselves out to his sides in surprise. 

“Eddie Spaghetti!” 

Eddie felt the red heat reach his pale skin as the others around the table laughed. It felt nothing but mocking, which was another reason he couldn’t believe Richie was really sitting here. Richie didn’t seem to notice, and instead scooted over to make room for the short boy. Eddie stood his ground, eyebrows furrowed together as his eyes darted briefly to the phone lying beside Richie. 

“I texted you a million times. Why aren’t you sitting with me - I mean, us. Why aren’t you sitting with us?”

The big guy beside Richie snorted, clapping his hand on Richie’s shoulder. It looked painfully hard, but Richie didn’t so much as flinch. “Bro, is this your boyfriend or something?” 

Richie ignored him, a look of guilt settling on his face. “Sorry, Eds. These guys just wanted to talk for a bit. I promise I meant to meet up later, didn’t realize how much time passed.” 

The girl on his other side flung her arms around Richie’s shoulders, giggling and batting her long eyelashes in his direction. Thankfully it was another thing he didn’t really seem to acknowledge. “You should sit with us more often, Rich.” 

“I’m still coming over later tonight though. Have something I wanted to show you, remember?”

No matter what anyone says the grin that Richie wore did not cause butterflies to burst in Eddie’s gut. He scoffed, taking a couple steps away from the table and waved his words away. “Yeah, whatever.”

Part of Eddie really assumed that when he walked away Richie would chase after him.

He didn’t.

—-

It was nearly midnight when he heard the rustling of his window. He sat up in his bed, reaching across his nightstand to flick the dim light on just as a curly haired boy wearing a familiar wide smirk poked his head in. “There he is,” was all that came from his mouth. Eddie pushes his blankets aside to grab the guitar from his hands, just to make it easier for him to climb through the window. “Glad to see you didn’t lock me out.”

“That’s ridiculous, Rich. I’d never lock you out.” 

Richie took the guitar back from his friend and sat on the corner of his bed. He watched as Eddie crawled back under the blankets, hugging his knees comfortably to his chest. Richie didn’t answer, and the silence in his state began to make Eddie feel slightly uncomfortable. So he reached up to run a hand through his dark hair and added, “I’m glad you decided to come.”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, my spaghetti man. Just between us, I missed you the most this summer.” He nudged Eddie’s leg with his elbow and let out a breathy laugh. “Didn’t feel the same without you.” 

“I know what you mean,” Eddie admitted, biting back his own smile. “I had to see Bill every day. And he’s great but come on, one can only take so much of the avengers.” There was another small laugh that fell from Richie and after follower another pause of silence. It was something that began to drive Eddie mad. So he gestured to the guitar resting on Richie’s lap. “So this is the surprise? A new song?”

“Part of one,” Richie confirmed. “London was great, really. But it gave me the time I needed away from this place. To really come to terms with certain things about myself. I had a lot of time to put it into words and even though I’m not totally done there was a part I just wanted you to hear. My best friend.” 

Eddie gave a slow nod,look of confusion filling beneath his eyes. “Of course, Rich. You know I’m always here.” 

“Yeah, Eds. I know,” his fingers began to strum on the strings of his beaten up guitar. It was soft, just enough to fill this room alone. “I haven’t fully decided but I’m leaning towards calling it Lover.”

_ My hearts been borrowed and yours has been blue _

_ Alls well that ends well to end up with you _

_ Swear to be over dramatic and true to my lover _

_ And I’ll save all of my dirtiest jokes for you _

_ And at every table, I’ll save you a seat _

_ Lover _

_ Can I go where you go _

_ Can we always be this close _

_ Forever and ever and I _

_ Take me out, take me home _

_ You’re my my my my _

_ Oh you’re my my my my _

_ Darling you’re my my my my _

_ Lover _

His voice was just the same as Eddie remembered. It filled him with such an extreme level of peace he felt like he could be floating on cloud nine. But this song, there was something about this song that warmed his heart more than anything he ever sang before. It felt personal, almost as if there was the possibility it could be about him.

Eddie shook the thoughts from his head before he said something he’d inevitably regret. He brushed a tear from his eyes - when had he even started crying - and reached over to tangle his fingers between Richie’s. It was the first time he really saw him look so vulnerable. 

“That might have been the best song I’ve ever heard, Rich.”

He smiled when Richie’s pale cheeks tinted with a light pink. He didn’t respond though, just continued to stare down at his guitar. “When it’s finished you have to come over here immediately. Promise?”

The way they locked eyes left Eddie breathless.

Man, he really loved this boy. 

“Promise,” Richie agreed. 

But Eddie never heard that song again.

_ ** July 2010, Age 18 ** _

Eddie had been standing on Richie’s doorstep for the past ten minutes. He wanted to knock. Really, he did. He was supposed to have arrived long ago. The two of them agreed that this summer would be the most epic summer ever. They were supposed to share every minute of it before September came around and Richie was off to LA. When he got the acceptance letter he asked Eddie to come along. 

It was an insane offer. Both of them knew it was unrealistic. There was no way Eddie would be leaving town so soon after graduation. He was comfortable here. And really, everyone who knew Eddie knew he wasn’t good with change. So as painful as it was he declined the offer, and each day that passed by was another knife straight to Eddie’s gut. Because he knew it was that much closer to an unimaginable goodbye. 

He was looking forward to today for awhile. They planned it out, just the two of them, for an ultimate movie marathon. Eddie would bring the movies; all six of the Harry Potter movies that were out so far, while Richie would stock up on snacks. It was supposed to be a great day for them. Only right now it didn’t seem like they were going to get to it.

From the other side of the door he could hear screaming. It was a woman’s drunken voice shouting something inaudible. And then during a small pause there was be the sound of something crashing. At one point he thought he heard Richie try to say something, but then the voice of his father was shouting and the sound of a loud slap followed.

He was frozen on the doorstep for what felt like days. 

In reality he wasn’t sure exactly how long he stood there. But eventually the screaming died down and the front door swung open. And there he stood. The tall boy with curly hair and sleeves of tattoos and piercings. The boy who’s eyes were bloodshot and bruised. The boy who had two large suitcases in his hands. 

He stopped when he saw Eddie. A small curse fell under his breath and he pushed Eddie aside to move past him and shut the door quietly. “What are you doing here?”

“Um, our movie marathon, remember?” Eddie lifted the movies up in the air with trembling hands. “What happened in there, Rich are you-“ his eyes landed on the suitcases. “Are you going somewhere?”

Richie pushed past him, wheeling the suitcases down to his car before popping a cigarette between his lips. “I’m going to LA, Eddie. I can’t stand it here anymore. And I have an old friend who’s staying right by my school, he said I can crash with him for the rest of the summer. I just-I need to get away from here. _From fucking Derry_.”

He inhaled deeply and shoved the first suitcase in his trunk. Eddie watched him for a moment speechless. He couldn’t believe this was really happening. He thought he had another couple months.

“Wait, wait. Rich, stop for a moment just - just wait.” He reached over to place his hand on Richie’s shoulder. The soft touch immediately made him halt. He turned to look down at the tiny bit. “Just think about this realistically, will you? You’re not gonna say goodbye to any of the losers? You can’t just rush out of here on one bad day with your parents.” 

“_One_ bad day?” He yanked his arm out of Eddie’s grip with such force it made him fall backward a step. The anger he felt boiling inside decided in that moment to burst. “One bad fucking day? It hasn’t been one bad day, Eddie. It’s been _eighteen fucking bad years_. Why do you think I don’t normally invite you over? Why do you think I spent most nights with you? My mom’s a fucking drunk who can’t remember her own name and my dad’s a big businessman who likes to smack me around. Neither of them ever gave one shit about me and I’m tired of it. I have a safe place to go, why the fuck would I stay here?” 

Eddie stares at him with a wide gaze. He hadn’t realized what it was Richie had been dealing with. He figured maybe Richie just wasn’t allowed to have people over, but for the first time he felt like the worst friend of all. How could he have seen right through this for about fifteen years? Eddie ached to touch him again, to pull him in for a comforting hug. But the fury that radiated off Richie was a little frightening. 

“For me,” his answer was soft, almost uncertain. “I thought maybe you’d stay for me. Because once you leave we both know you’re not coming back. And I’m still not sure what I’m going to do without you.”

Richie softened with that. His body seemed to melt back to comfort and he reached over ton place his hands on both Eddie’s shoulders. “Come with me,” he stated. 

Eddie deflated. “We’ve already been through this. I can’t.”

“Why not, Eds? There’s nothing for you here. And your mom can’t say no, you’re eighteen. My buddy will let you stay until we find you a place. Come with me, Eds. We can leave this fucking shithole together. Just you and me.” 

It was a tempting offer. Just like it had been all those months ago. But the same problems were there. Eddie’s fear. Eddie’s fear seemed to rule his world. It always took control. So he shook his head, placing a shaking hand on top Richie’s. “I can’t just leave, Rich. You know that. I’m not like you. I can’t just - just run away.”

There was a pause and even before Richie took a step back Eddie realized what he had said. It was too late, there was no going back from this now. “Run away? Is that what you think I’m doing?” 

“I mean,” Eddie gestured around them. “Look at the situation, Richie. You are. Things are tough so you’re on the first flight out of here. What else do you expect me to think?” 

Richie tossed the end of his cigarette on the ground and crushed it with the heel of his boot. “You know what, _dude_? I don’t really care what you think. At least I have the balls to go and follow my dream. I’m not afraid to leave this town. I might be running away from this shit here but I’d much rather be afraid of staying than scared of growing up.” 

Eddie watched as Richie walked around the car, wasting no time in opening the driver’s door. This time he didn’t bother trying to stop him. “You don’t mean that,” he muttered. This time when Richie looked at him it was like Eddie was staring at a stranger. 

“There’s so much I thought I couldn’t get away from fast enough,” he admitted. “But I never thought you would be one of them.”

He ducked in the car, the door slamming loudly before him. Eddie wasn’t sure when he started to cry. All he knew was that it hurt. Watching him drive down the long road and take the next left out of town hurt. 

_ ** August 2019, 27 years old ** _

It was like seeing a ghost. He was expecting Ed Sheeran when he answered the door. The two of them were trying to get together to write a song together for the past couple months. Only when Ed’s tour finally ended Richie’s had just began. The moment he landed back in LA his phone rang, and Ed was ready to meet up like they planned. He was running a little late today, texting Richie just once to say he’d be there soon. What he never expected was to open the door and see the face of someone he once knew. 

None other than Eddie himself. 

He pushed past the lanky boy before he could step aside to let him in. And maybe that was for the best, because Richie’s first impulse was to slam the door in his face and sneak down the fire escape. 

He could tell Eddie was waiting for an answer. But Richie couldn’t find the right words in that moment. He thought about him every day, and it did indeed drive him crazy. He couldn’t count how many times he had picked up his phone, scrawled to Eddie’s contact and desperately tried to call. But something always held him back. He said some cruel words the day he left, the thought that Eddie would never forgive him overcame his other desires. 

He was impatient, that much was obvious. Eddie’s foot tapped on the hardwood floor, his arms crossed over his chest and his sad gaze staring straight through Richie. “Well,” he broke the tension lingering in the room. “Do you?” 

“Eddie I-“ it was the first time he spoke since Eddie barged in. His voice failed him, cracking and fading out. He cleared his throat and took another sip from the water bottle. “I don’t know what to say. Seriously, why are you here now?” 

It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear, and Eddie noticeably deflated. “Tomorrow’s your birthday,” he reminded as if Richie could possibly forget. “And I - _shit_, I left your cupcake in the Uber. Red velvet-“

Richie couldn’t help the soft smile that appeared. He shoved his hands in the pocket of his baggy sweatpants. “My favorite.”

“I know, I can’t believe I forgot it, fuck I’m an idiot. I had an entire plan too, I-“

Richie took a hesitant step toward him and placed both hands on his shoulder, just like the day he left. Like he had all those years ago Eddie instantly relaxed. “Just breathe. And tell me what’s going on.” 

“My mom died last week,” he blurted. There was a moment of dead silence between them as Richie let his hands fall back to his sides. 

“Oh I’m - I’m sorry-“ his words were waved away.

“I spent this week conflicted. I mean, my mom wasn’t the easiest person to get along with as you know. And when she died the only person I really wanted to see was you. Bev said she’s been talking to you, she even visited you a couple times throughout the years and - and it was her idea to come here. So I can finally get something off my chest.” 

Richie didn’t answer. He seemed patient as he waited for Eddie to take in a deep breath. His gaze dropped down to his feet as he pushed the shaggy hair from his face. “For so long all I really thought we’d ever be is friends. And I - I became okay with that overtime.” 

“Um, Eds, what are you-“

“No. Shut up. Just shut up, Rich.” He began to pace in the kitchen, hopping on the balls of his feet as if to prepare himself for what’s coming. “But there’s always been something more. You can’t say you never felt it too. I mean, I’m not crazy, right? There was always a little bit more.”

“Eddie, I-“ Richie cut himself off. He grabbed Eddie’s shoulder to stop the pacing. “Yeah, there was.” 

“And you were right that day. The day you left. I was scared to leave Derry. Because I loved you so much. And I didn’t know what to do with those feelings. As much as I hurt when you left I convinced myself it would be easier to be apart.” 

There was no going back now. Eddie knew that. He was finally saying the words out loud and although the fear of rejection was almost unbearable to think of he couldn’t deny the relief that fell from him. 

“But it wasn’t. And it never got easier. Because you were the first and last person I ever loved. And I think in a way you’ll always be the only person I’ll ever love. If you don’t feel the same I’ll go now and this can be it. But you had to know. It’s time you know.” 

There were so many thoughts that flew by in Richie’s mind. Nine years ago he would’ve been happy to hear Eddie say those words. But so much time has passed, they were both different people. And Richie honestly wasn’t sure if he could go back.

Being with Eddie now felt like taking a step in the wrong direction. He spent so long running from the boy he used to be. And Eddie was a big part of that. So he shook his head, moved away and that was it. Eddie knew just what that meant. 

“Okay.” He stated. “Okay.”

“Eds, I’m-I’m sorry-“

“You don’t have to apologize,” his hand came up to stop him. “I get it. I waited too long.” He turned away from him, desperate to hide the tears that began to flow beneath his dark eyes. “I’ll go.” 

Once again, Richie didn’t stop him. 

___

He had already finished up with Ed when he got that call. They were lounging on his couch, watching some new trashy tv show with empty beer bottles sprawled around them. It was a good distraction, catching up with an old friend in this way. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it until they both got a little tipsy. 

But the distraction came to an end way too soon. He hadn’t bothered to look at his phone before answering, and honestly even if he did he wasn’t totally sure he’d comprehend it anyway. He didn’t even get out a proper greeting before the voice on the other end started talking. And she sounded pissed.

“What the _absolute fuck_, Richie? I finally manage to get Eddie to come see you and you send him back to our hotel like this? Seriously, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Richie hiccuped, pushing himself up to sit straight on the couch. Ed watched with a lazy state and sparked interest. “Bev? Beevvvv, it’s so good to hear from you, love. It’s been too long, so so long my red haired little pixie,” Richie’s rambling was nothing but sloppy. There was a small pause.

“Are you drunk right now?”

“Me? I don’t drink, I donteth drinketh my lady.” 

“Don’t use the British guy with me right now,” she snapped. There was a deep sigh on the other end. “God, you two are a fucking mess. I’m pretty sure Eddie is crying in the shower right now and you’re getting wasted. What do I have to do to get through to you both?”

At the mention of Eddie’s name Richie perked up. “My Eddie Spaghetti. Oh, it was good to see him again. What a lovely man he grew into.”

“Do you realize how stupid and idiotic you are, Rich? You love him. You’ve been in love with Eddie for like _twenty years_.”

“Not true,” Richie slurred. 

“What-what’s not true?” Ed whispered very loudly in Richie’s ear. Richie laughed, swatting his friend away. 

“Who’s that?”

“Just my friend Ed. And shhh, it’s not true I’ve loved Eddie for twenty years. He’s been in love with me for twenty years. And who can blame him, really? I’m a catch.” Richie puffed his chest out and grinned.

The silence that lingered on Bev’s end screamed fury. She let out a long, shaken breath before continuing. “Listen here you cocky cock sucker,” she seethed. “When you left I thought I’d just give you time. Time to see that you can’t do this without him. Time for you to accept what’s been going on between the two of you since you met. But days passed. _Nine years passed_. And you’re a mess without him, you’ve been a mess since the day you went away. You never accepted it. And it fucking destroyed you both.” Richie sank back into the soft cushions of his couch with a heavy sigh. The room seemed to stop spinning, and her words hit him hard. 

“You know I’m right,” she went on. “Eddie’s getting ready to go down to that cheap club Night Owls, no doubt for some random hook up all because you screwed this up. So if you don’t want to lose him, for ever this time, get _over_ yourself and tell him the truth.” 

She hung up before he could respond. And Richie said there, listening to the soft repetitive beep on his phone, wondering how he could’ve let it get this far.

___

He was doing this. Richie was really going to do this. There were no more games, no more dancing around the truth. They loved each other, and although it was more terrifying than exciting he couldn’t pretend they didn’t any longer. Just hearing from Bev how much pain he caused Eddie was like someone pulled his heart right out of his chest and stomped on it. He loved Eddie, and Richie knew he was the cause of almost all Eddie’s madness. 

The butterflies in his stomach on the way to the club was like nothing he’s ever experienced. He was Richie _fucking_ Tozier. He didn’t get nervous. 

But there was something about this boy that constantly caused insane adrenaline to pump through his veins. It was scary, really. How the fear doubled since he stood from the couch. Deep down he knew it was pointless to worry. Eddie told him exactly how he felt just hours ago, he knew the feelings were reciprocated. But it wasn’t the question of Eddie feeling the same way that scared him so deeply.

It was what after?

They spent years as just friends, dancing around the idea of it. What Eddie said earlier was so true, there was always something a little more between them. But Richie was never good at being a boyfriend. He didn’t really know how. And he didn’t want to screw this up. 

He got outside the place he was told Eddie would be only an hour and a half later. The moment the Uber sped away he felt trapped in his own personal nightmare. The doors were a dark red, paint peeling and slurs written in sharply covered them. If he liked closely enough he could see the doors tremble from the loud booming music. The line strolled down the street, full of drunken idiots who seemed to recognize him. 

He ignored the calls as his heart pounded rapidly. The bouncer was humongous, standing a foot taller than Richie himself with a think long beard and and death stare. The moment he saw Richie his eyes softened, just a bit, and he nodded for him to come closer. 

“Richie Tozier,” he greeted with a deep, angry tone. “I’m a big fan.” He went and pulled the rope back, inviting Richie in. Only Richie’s feet decided not to work. He stared into the crowd of dancing bodies and for the first time in awhile thought back to the days he thought he could have it all. 

_ ** March 2009, Age 17  ** _

It was another party. Another invite that upset Eddie. Richie was invited to every party during the weekends, and it felt as if he was loosing the closest person to him. Richie didn’t seem to feel that way, though. At least that’s what the grin that stretched along his face confirmed Eddie’s suspicions. Richie was waving his phone in Eddie’s direction, pushing the bright screen right under his eyes. “Look, Eddie Spaghetti. Charlie’s having a big bash Friday.”

Eddie squinted toward the screen, slowly taking in the simply “_big party Friday. My place. U in Tozier?_” from a Charlie Fucking Stiles. 

Eddie always hated that guy. Long before he seemed to take Richie under his wing. That guy was the star quarterback, the guy who’d take any opportunity to shove Eddie into the lockers if he walked by. He knew the reason he hadn’t been messed with much anymore was because of Richie’s newfound popularity, but they didn’t mean he had to suddenly like these people. And he couldn’t begin to understand, even after all this time, why Richie liked them either. 

He remembered a time when he actually asked him why. But Richie simply gave a one sided shrug and insisted they were different when you got to know them. They were fun. 

_Aren’t I fun? _Eddie wanted to press. He bit his tongue to force back anything he’d eventually regret. But to this day it was a question that pressed in the back of his mind. _Don’t you still like hanging out with me?_

It was a thought Eddie came back to every day. But he pushed it from his mind in that moment and forced a passive aggressive smile.

“Weren’t we gonna see that new Monsters VS. Aliens movie?” 

Richie paused. He dropped his hand back to his side and for a moment looked conflicted. “We can see that earlier, Eds. And you can you to the party with me.” Eddie sent him a flat look.

“You know they don’t want me there.”

The look Richie sent back was ridiculous, as if mocking him. He took a step closer. It was annoying how fast it caused a response from Eddie. He was once again reminded of they’re noticeable height difference, how Eddie only came up to the beginning of Richie’s neck. He tried to ignore the way his skin grew clammy when Richie reached over to tangle their fingers together. “So what? I want you there.” 

It was such a simple response. But enough to cause Eddie to agree without another though. He swallowed the lump in his throat and have a defeat sigh. Richie broke out into another shit eating grin and stepped away, ruffling Eddie’s hair playfully. “Awesome, Eds! Now I can finally find you a girl. Maybe someone else in the loser group besides myself, of course, will finally loose their virginity.” 

Eddie groaned, swatting him anyway. “Way to ruin the moment.” 

“I’ll tell you a little secret, Eds,” Richie leaned down until his lips were brushing against Eddie’s ear. His soft breath left goosebumps. “Your mom was the one who took it.” 

That caused Richie to get violently shoved a step backwards. “Beep fucking beep, Richie.” 

___

It was loud. Way too loud for Eddie. And it was crowded. Again, way too crowded for Eddie. He actually gagged walking through the front door at the sight of all the sweaty, horny high schoolers drinking and grinding on each other. If this was what a high school party was like than he didn’t understand why Richie was always raving about them. There was this odd smell lingering in the air and although it was only midnight (Richie said he had to show up fashionably late) a big football player was puking in the corner of the room. 

At the sight Eddie subconsciously cowered into Richie’s side. If he noticed he didn’t say anything, only placed a protective arm around Eddie’s waist. “Don’t worry my Eddie Spaghetti, I got you.”

It was something so simple. Yet somehow it filled Eddie with complete contentment. And he thought maybe, just maybe, he could really do this.

That thought shattered as quickly as it came. Eddie was quickly reminded of just how popular Richie really was. He was almost immediately pulled into a game of beer pong with a group of guys twice the size of Eddie. He wasn’t really sure what to do with himself, so he lingered awkwardly by his side, watching the game and cheering quietly only when everyone else did.

It was quickly made obvious that although Richie was good at many things; video games, being obnoxious, mom jokes, drinking; he was absolute shit at beer pong. The game ended quickly, with him chugging so many cups of beer Eddie began to loose count. They played three games before he called it quits, stumbling over to Eddie with a large smile. 

“My Eddie Spaghetti!” He fell into him, hands moving to run through the hair hair of his friend. Eddie caught him easily, a laugh quietly escaping him. 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Eddie Spaghetti! Eddie Spaghetti! Eddie Spaghetti!” He cut himself off with a hiccup. “Wanna go outside, Spaghetti man? ‘It’s quieter.” 

Eddie shrugged, wrapping his short hands around his friend the best he could to lead him the right way outside. It was a lot of stumbling, a lot wall grabbing to catch themselves and then giggles from Richie’s part. It was almost as cute as obnoxious Richie, who Eddie grew to love awhile ago. 

The air was brisk outside this march. But it felt so good on their sweaty skin. Eddie hadn’t realized just how hot he had been until they left the packed house. There was a lot more room outside, room to talk amongst themselves and just be together. Like how it always was when they were kids. 

Eddie took Richie over toward a couple beach chairs across the yard. They collapsed together on the same one, something so natural they didn’t even think about it. There was just a moment of silence before Richie spoke up, eyes glossy and wide. 

“Eds, you’re my best friend you know that right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course I do. You’re mine too.” He was looking up at the dark starry night above them, oblivious to the stare Richie set directly on him. 

“Do you think...do you think if I ever ran away that maybe you’d follow me?” 

Eddie’s head snapped back to look at Richie. His fingers tightened protectively on the hem of Richie’s black tee shirt. “Why would you even say something like that?” 

Richie shrugged nonchalantly. “It’s nothing. I was just wondering-“

“You’re not planning to leave, right? Because I need you.”

The anxiousness was becoming evident in Eddie’s demeanor. He pushed himself to sit up further in his seat and couldn’t look away from the intensity of Richie’s stare. It was moments exactly like these where he really believed that maybe Richie could feel the pull between them. It was moments like these where Eddie believed it was impossible for him not to feel it. 

Richie’s eyes softened straight away and he squeezed Eddie’s hand reassuringly. “I’m not going anywhere, Eds. It was just a question.” 

It just took another few seconds of Eddie searching Richie’s eyes for what seemed like the truth before he noticeably deflated. “I’d follow you anywhere.”

When Richie didn’t answer Eddie thought he might have said something wrong. Maybe it was too real, maybe Richie was looking for the opposite answer. Or worse, maybe it was all a joke and he expected Eddie to simply laugh it off. Eddie was about to take it back, quickly mumble some stupid insult and run off to the bathroom when everything changed. 

A strong hand was cupping his jaw, pulling it gently so they were facing each other. It was in that moment where Eddie realized just how close their faces were. He suddenly felt oddly aware of their surroundings. But before he had a minute to react a pair of lips were pressing against his. 

It was a soft kiss, a kiss Eddie could only have dreamt of. Richie’s lips were a little chapped, and he could feel the light stubble tickle his chin. It was much different from the one other kiss he’s experienced, some blonde girl back in eighth grade. Eddie melted into it straight away, hands reaching up to tangle inside Richie’s moppy curls. His heart was nearly pounding out of his chest. This was something he never thought he could feel. So complete, so put together and calm. 

Calm.

Eddie Kaspbrak was for once in life completely calm. There was no unreasonable little voice screaming in the back of his mind about every little thing. Somehow it had vanished in that moment, and he truly felt like a entirely new person. 

Richie could have pulled back after only a couple seconds, or minutes, or maybe even hours. Honestly, Eddie has no concept of time anymore. He looked down into Eddie’s confused eyes and ran his tongue along his chapped bottom lip. Eddie went to say something, anything to break the tension when Richie suddenly bolted to the side and vomited all over the ground next to them. Eddie stared at him with wide eyes, hand hesitantly moving to his back. And he waited there with Richie for two hours, comforting him as he vomited and slightly irritated that’s the direction their first kiss went. It was awhile before he was able to sneak the drunken tall boy back into his place but when they got back they both snuggled under the thick blankets, hugging onto each other as of it was their last day on Earth.

___

Eddie didn’t exactly know what to expect. But he can safely say it wasn’t this. 

He wasn’t exactly sure how much would change after the kiss. He thought maybe they could talk about it, see if this was something worth exploring. But instead the next morning he woke up to an empty bed. It was a little upsetting to realize Richie snuck out early that morning, he’d never done something like that before. It made Eddie panic slightly, what if Richie regretted it? What if it ruined their friendship for good?

Only Richie called him two hours later, asking to hang out. And he seemed oddly normal. As if nothing ever happened. But maybe he was just waiting until they saw each other to bring it up, maybe Eddie was overthinking once more. Bev would assure him he was.

Eddie couldn’t have been more wrong. He was so, so, so wrong. When they met up with the group later that day Richie was all out back together again. Back to his usual over confident, obnoxious and just downright annoying self. He treated Eddie as if nothing ever happened, the contest teasing and playful touches were natural for them. But there was nothing that would suggest anything more. And it drove him crazy, it was something he needed to talk about before it all just burst from him. 

“Hey, uh, Rich?” Eddie whispered, as to not disturb the others from this horrendous movie Bill insisted on. Richie didn’t take his eyes from the screen, but his head tilted in an acknowledging way. “Help me get everyone more drinks?”

Richie shrugged, using Eddie’s knee to push himself from the old couch. He grabbed Eddie’s arm and yanked him to his feet as well. They walked into the other room silently. Eddie watched as Richie swung the fridge open, grabbing a couple of beers and placing them on the counter for Eddie. Only Eddie had no interest in the drinks and before he could really think the words were flying from his mouths “Are we really not gonna talk about it?” Richie shut the fridge and looked over at him, furrowing his eyes brows confusingly.

“Talk about what?”

Eddie stared. There were so many thoughts that went across his mind about why Richie was acting so normal. The idea that maybe he just didn’t remember never came to him. “_You know._ What happened last night?”

Richie sighed, running his hands through his hair and gave Eddie a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry, Eds. I really can’t remember much of last night. What’d I do? Sexually harass someone? Piss over the neighbors fence again? Cause you know I have good aim.” He grabbed his dick through his pants, pretending it was a firehose and making an twerking gesture with his lips. Eddie watched him in disbelief, completely unamused.

He was quick to wave away those words. “No, just uh-uh how you got so drunk. You really shouldn’t drink till you’re puking. Especially around me, it was disgusting.”

For a moment Eddie swore he saw a look of pity fly across Richie’s expression. But the moment it was there it was gone again, leaving nothing but a half smirk and risen eyebrows. 

“Sorry, Eddie Spaghetti. Next time not so much beer for me, promise.” He held up his hand like a Boy Scout. “Now, shall we bring the fucking losers these drinks?” 

** _August 2019, Age 27_ **

“You going, man?” The bouncer gestured for Richie to move forward. It snapped him from the cringing memory instantly, and he looked up give the guy an assuring nod. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. “Thanks, dude.” He walked into the bright lights as carefully as possible. It was packed in here, and Richie wasn’t sure exactly how he was supposed to find Eddie in his crowd. He ducked his head as he pushed his way to the bar, trying his best to go unnoticed. It worked in his favor and he managed to get a drink with very little problems. He meant back against the bar and stared into the crowd, eyes scanning the groups of sweaty bodies. 

It wasn’t long before Richie spotted him. And maybe it was because Eddie was always the light of the room. There seemed to be a spotlight following him wherever he’d go, at least in Richie’s eyes anyway. He watched Eddie jump up and down for a moment, smiling at the unbelievably terrible rhythm he had. It was cute, how his eyes were closed, head tossed back and mouth moving to form the words of this song blaring. It was all Richie ever wanted. To call that boy his.

So he pushed himself from the bar and made his way across the floor. He danced through the crowd himself, just until he stood right behind Eddie and hesitated just a moment before tapping him on the shoulder. 

Eddie turned around, a smile on his sweaty face until the exact moment he saw Richie. He froze instantly, hand tightening on the glass in his hand. “What are you doing here?” He shouted. 

“I lied!” Richie yelled back. He didn’t think before ducking his head toward Eddie’s ear. “All those years ago. I lied about something.” 

Eddie pulled back, confusion written in his eyes and he mouthed a simple, “about what?”

“Do you remember a certain party you came with me to? Charlie Stiles?” Eddie tensed straight from that mention. His eyes grew wide, as if uncertain he was about to hear what he was slightly expecting. “I lied the next day. When I pretended not to remember what happened. I remember that kiss, Eds. I remember _exactly_ how nice it felt. I remember everything.”

Eddie stared at him for a moment before his face hardened. He reached over to angrily ouch Richie’s shoulder. Richie stumbled back. “What the fuck, Richie?” He yelled. “Do you know how badly that made me feel?” 

“I’ve spent most of my life scared, running from my feelings. And when you came back today it was like I fell right back into old habits. But not anymore. I’m not doing it anymore.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Richie searched his gaze for a couple seconds, as if looking for the disgust he’d grown to expect. When seconds passed by in silence he choked out, “I love you.”

Eddie gestured around them, then toward his ear. “Sorry, I didn’t hear that.”

_“I love you!” _Richie shouted, hands flying up in the air dramatically._ “I love you, Eddie Kaspbrak!” _

Richie wasted no more time. He spent his life waiting. He stepped closer before Eddie could really react and tangled his fingers Eddie’s hair to gently pull him closer as well. He barely heard the small gasp that fell from the tinier lad before he was pressing a bruising kiss to his lips.

It was different than the last time. Richie seemed more desperate, as if afraid this would go away in a second. Their bodies melted together in the best way possible. And Eddie once again was reminded of how well they worked. He’d never felt something so right with another person, and he never wanted to.

Richie pulled away just enough to press their foreheads together. Their heavy breath met in the small gap left between them. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say those words,” Eddie breathed, arms tightening around Richie’s slim waist. The laugh that fell from him seemed genuinely happy. 

_“Been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night,” Richie sang softly. “And now I see daylight. I only see daylight.” _

When they kissed again both Richie and Eddie knew it would be just one of many more to come. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is a happy ending because it’s what Richie and Eddie deserved.


End file.
